Females, Were We Raised to Hate? Part One

       As the new year ever so slowly yet incredibly quickly all at the same time approaches so does the time of reflection. As the days and nights creep by that 2016 in the distance gets increasingly closer and people tend to look back on their year. We all make fun of those stupid resolutions that no one actually keeps, and yet, don’t we all continue to make them? 

       My year started off well enough. I was a newlywed that just found out I was pregnant. I had a few mishaps and bumps in the road, if you will. Some negatives that are still lodged in my brain as if I was cramming for a midterm. In general I think I had a pretty good year though. The birth of my son, although a little nerve wracking for a bit, was quite possibly the best thing that has ever happened to me. My marriage, of course, is a close second. The negative things and people that have surrounded me during my stay in the year 2015 have affected me – I’m not going to lie. While reflecting back on the year and looking forward to the things to come I’ve come to one very important conclusion. Girls suck. Well, okay I already knew that…and please ladies, don’t get your panties in a wad. Admit it. We, as females, suck. We are against each other from day one (keep an eye out for my next post) and we will stop at nothing to make sure that all the other females know exactly what they are missing. 

        Please, don’t deny it because we have all done it. Now only the incredibly bitchy will come right out and say “I’m better than you” most of us stick the subtler approach. Mothers – “Oh, you didn’t a flu shot!” Pregnant ladies – “I can’t believe you would eat/drink/wear/do THAT while you’re pregnant” Single ladies – “I would never date someone like that” Ugh, I could go on and on. We are each SO much better than each other. You can see my Guilt Trippers post for more examples if you need them. 

        This year alone I had multiple “women” try to tear me down. First I had the family member that felt my pregnancy was somehow ruining hers so she felt the need to either ignore mine or ruin mine, I guess it all depended on how she felt that day. Then stranger who’s marriage was falling apart so she felt the need to go after mine. There was the good friend that decided to turn a miniscule problem between significant others into our problem which ultimately led to a diminished friendship. To be fair…I didn’t really like her boyfriend so I guess that couldn’t really go far. And of course, there were multiple issues that are barely a blip on my radar but led to the heart stopping unfriending on Facebook – that went both ways though. I’m the first to admit that I have never really gotten along with girls. I never knew what it was but I just always got along better with men because they were less drama. When in fact, that is not actually true. Any “guys girl” can tell you that there is a shit load of drama with men…they just handle it better. And by handle it I mean 99.99% of the time they keep it bottle up and until someone punches the other one and all is well with the world…maybe not the punching. 

         As I sat here mentally filing away all of the girl drama from the past year and then slowly remembering all the garbage throughout the year, I couldn’t help but come to the conclusion that I must be the problem. Until I thought about all the friendships I’ve had with men over the year (important to note that I said friendships and NOT relationships because that is a WHOLE other level of drama) and decided that we as a female species are in fact the problem. Sure, there may be a few girls that can get along just fine but if you really think about it you can remember talking shit even about your bestest friend in the whole wide world. We are not meant to like each other. I will even go as far to say that we are raised to hate each other. 

 

                  To be continued…

The Ugly Truth Rant

Here it is, days away from Christmas, my son's first Christmas to be exact, and instead of joy and excitement I just want to crawl under a rock. My house is a disaster, not a single Christmas decoration, the Christmas presents (most of which I was forced to buy) are shoved in the corner of my already packed office/nusery. Work is miserable, it's getting harder and harder to get anything done during the day. And not that I'm a puppy dog that needs constant positive reinforcement but so positive feedback would be nice for a change. Maybe balance out all the "constructive criticism" just once. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate being able to spend the day with my son and not have to leave him in the care of some own known person. But sometimes I just want a minute to myself. 

Is it at all possible to have "me" time once you become a mother? I'm feeding, I'm cleaning, I'm playing, I'm working, I'm interacting, I'm wondering what the hell happened to me. When I do try to take a minute someone needs to tell me something. My husband constantly asks me if I'm okay, but it's more of the you're not okay so tell me what's wrong. Well dear - I want to go a day without crying or being on the verge of tears. I want to be able to work without feeling guilty. I would love to be able to sit down with a cup of coffee and just be. I would like the checklist of chores to be marked off by someone else for a change. It would be totally awesome if I could just work without mentally figuring out if I'm making enough money that day. I would like to ask for something to get done once and for it to actually get done. I would like for things to get done without asking. I would like to just skip Christmas and not have to worry about all the pending drama. I would like to just be for a few minutes. God help me. 

Something crazy happened when I became a mother. I love my son, I live my husband, and I love my life but sometimes it's all just too much. I feel like shit every minute of everyday. I feel guilty about everything. Guilty for not be able to focus more on my son during the day. Guilty about not being able to be there for my husband like I used to be. Not being able to have our alone time to stay a happy, healthy couple. Guilty for even thinking about looking for a job outside of the home. Guilty for wanting some time to myself. I feel like a bad wife, a terrible mother, and clearly I'm an awful person in general for all the drama that surrounds me even though I try so desperately to keep a positive environment for my son. 

This is fucking ridiculous. I need some mom friends. 

Ugh. Sorry about the rant guys. The holidays are a tough time for me. 

The Social Media Dis

Sigh. Apparently I’ve offended someone again and been…gasp…deleted on Facebook. 

I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve never been able to get along with very many girls. I have a couple of good friends, my sister, and my mother. Of course the last two had some bumps in the road as I was growing up but hey, hormones suck. I’ve always kept my group very small to begin with and that group usually tends to be dominated by the opposite sex. No, I’m not a whore and no, I’m not one of those girls that got a boyfriend and demanded that I be with him and his friends 24/7. I have just always gotten along with men a lot easier than women, which caused a lot of problems when I was still in school. Instead of being smart about the situation and getting good with me so I could put in a good word, I got looks of hatred thrown my way and rumors spread. But any who – fast forward an undisclosed amount of years later and I’m still offending the female population every second of my life, apparently. 

Now, if you remember I admitted to deleting a few people myself while pregnant. I whole heartedly believe that if someone is bringing negativity into your life you have to nip that shit in the bud. HOWEVER, I have common sense and common curtesy, and would never delete someone that would cause even more drama. That is what the HIDE option is for. Family members, close friends, and significant others of close friends should never be deleted unless you are prepared to walk away for good. Social media is a sad, stupid little thing that means a lot to people. Being deleted is, essentially, telling someone that they are not wanted around. End of story. 

I’ve been ignored, I’ve been deleted, I’ve been told straight to my face that we aren’t friends anymore and I’ve done them all too. I’ve spent far too many years of my life learning to love myself for who I am, every ounce of sarcastic bitch that I am, to waste my time chasing love, attention, and respect from those that don’t want to share. I have been used so many times in my life that I won’t spend a minute of my time worrying about what I may have done to hurt the already oversensitive. And I won’t bat an eyelash at walking away from a negative situation and shutting the door on bad friendships and relationships. However, when someone’s insecurities about my opinions that may or may not actually be aimed towards them starts affecting the relationships of those around me…well, we’re going to have a problem. 

In a world run by social media and people constantly sharing their opinions on even the smallest detail of life, adults have a greater platform to continue to act like children. We all have our immature moments, but there are people that are heading to, are well in, or even have already greatly exceeded their 30s that still acting as if they are in their early teens jumping at the chance to spread their childish ways all over the internet at rapid speed. There is a daily opportunity to make every decision public knowledge and they just can’t wait to drag everyone into the whirlwind of naivety and toss out a dose of good old fashioned drama with a swipe of the keyboard.

 

I can’t help but wonder, at what age to grow up and lose the highschool mentality?  

The Guilt Trippers

You want to know why your parents are so good at guilt tripping you about something? It's because we, as parents or soon to be parents, are guilt tripped about everything and eventually it becomes second nature. We don't even know we are doing half the time...the other we are doing it on purpose because we know it's the only way to get you to do something. Damn it. 

It's starts pretty early in our parental career. Family, friends, and strangers feel it's okay or even necessary to start the guilt as soon as pregnancy strikes. When you are pregnant it is apparently everyone's business what you eat, what you wear, how you exercise, I even had a co-worker criticize my choice of prenatal vitamin! Just a FYI: as long as you are talking to your doctor your pregnancy does not have to be a giant list of you can't do. 

It's gets worse throughout your pregnancy. My hater from the previous post had an issue with my decision to have a gender reveal party. And made it perfectly clear. For some reason people believe that it's okay to be an asshole about things they don't agree with. But hey, that's life. Other people tried to make bad that they couldn't buy us gender specific clothes or toys as if I was forcing them to buy us anything. Gifts are not obligations so why I'm being guilt tripped??

Plan on taking a pregnancy class? Oh have fun with that! Hopefully you don't plan on getting an epidural because it seems that every class aimed towards pregnant women are run by hippies. Listen ladies, if you choose the drug free way that's totally fine but not everyone does so chil out. You also don't get a medal that says "I said no to drugs" and you just sound obnoxious every time you try to tell someone. I personally got an epidural and it was wonderful. It helped with my high blood pressure and kept me calm when ultimately I had to have a c-section. Which brings me to my next guilt trip that needs to stop. Not everyone can have a vaginal birth. In my situation, I was in labor for 28 hours, dilated almost 6 inches, and my son was not dropping. A few scares with the baby's low heart rate and a couple minutes with an oxygen mask on and off and my decision was pretty easy. Don't try to tell someone that a c-section is anything other than what it is. Another option. It doesn't make you a failure or a bad mother. 

And you know what? Let's stop with the breast is best talk around people that can't breastfeed. Breastfeeding is HARD and at times exhausting and again, not for everyone. My son was taken away from me pretty quickly and sent to the NICU with low blood sugar. I wasn't allowed to see him until 12 hours later so obviously he was given bottles. It's a very personal thing and I struggled with my difficulties for a really long time. With lactation consultants, le leche groups, and Facebook pages basically telling you that you're a failure if you don't breastfeed a girl can lose her mind. Our hormones are out of whack enough without the guilt tripping so please back off. 

Now you have your baby and all is back to normal, right? Wrong. Did you have a boy? Well have fun with the decision to circumcise because, like breastfeeding, complete strangers feel it is okay to flat out ask you about this. We all have at least one friend that is dying to tell you that you are a bad parent for vaccinated our kids. Oh and I hope you don't need two incomes to support your family because the woman is meant to stay home with the baby! Now, I work from home as an independent contractor and I still get the guilt. I can't afford to spend every waking moment teaching my son French or sight language so I'm just the worst mother ever. ::eye roll:: 

My son is almost 4 months old and I honestly don't get surprised anymore with the incredibly personal and private things that people have deemed acceptable to not only discuss but judge me on or try to guilt trip me about. I can only imagine what the next few years have in store. If you are guilty of guilt tripping try to remember that everybody is different and you may not know someone's back story. For all you know, that little thing you're guilt tripping about may be the one thing she cries about at night. 

Three types of assholes you'll meet while pregnant.

Pregnancy. What a wonderful concept. To know that there is a human being growing inside of you, a little piece of you and your significant other to love for the rest of your life is one of the greatest feelings in the entire world. Whether it was planned or not, whether you think your prepared or not (you’re definitely not), whatever your home life may be this pregnancy will change your world for the better. Well, in a generally speaking somewhat delusional kind of way. Let’s face it…your life, as you know it, is completely over and beginning all at the same time. 

If you are currently pregnant you have probably heard by now how challenging it can be to be a parent. As a mother of a three month old I can definitely attest to that. But that isn’t what we are going to talk about. We know being a parent is hard because we hear almost every single day for almost our whole lives. We see the tired, stressed out mother at Starbucks or the screaming toddler at the supermarket and I’m sure we’ve all heard our parents blame us for their drinking even if they are only half joking…just me? It is common sense to assume that being a parent is hard but pregnancy? Aside from the getting fat and the stress of preparing for the soon to be bouncing bundle of joy what could possibly be so difficult? Oh honey, you have no idea.                                                 

So, you are pregnant. Congratulations!

The first couple of months of my pregnancy were a breeze. I didn’t have morning sickness which is most likely thanks to the early prenatal care. It was exciting to share my news with loved ones and such a beautiful thing to watch your stomach grow each week. You get to register for all the cool and somewhat unnecessary baby stuff, skimp on the housework, and eat whatever you want all because you’re “with child". So put your feet up and turn on the most ridiculous realty show obsession we all know you have…this is your time to relax.  

La la la la do do do...and we're back. 

Okay relaxing time is over! Quick right?  Yeah well here is something no one ever tells you – from the moment you find out you’re pregnant relaxing is a thing of the past. Let’s take a look at what the next nine months might look like. 

First, you’re going to have to deal with some new kinds of people…someone might fit into multiple categories and someone might not fit into any but either way introverts beware! If you are a people person then you might already have the tools to deals with these, well, tools. I, however, am an introvert about 85% of the time so I don’t generally like being people to begin with. Just remember that if someone is making you uncomfortable, it is okay to remove yourself from the situation. For example:

 

-I’m so ::cough:: not ::cough:: happy for you-

Every soon to be momma must be prepared for the haters. There will almost always be one person that is not happy about your pregnancy. These people can be subtle or just downright rude and it will be hard to deal with no matter who it is.  In my case I believe it was jealousy that turned this person ugly. Instead of basking in the joy of a new addition to the family I received both the subtle jabs and the painfully obvious snickers of discontent. You may have a jealous sibling or in law, a parent that doesn’t think your significant other is the right one, an aunt that thinks you’re too young/old, or a co-worker that just doesn’t like to see other people happy. Whoever is being an asshole needs to be ignored and perhaps 100% avoided because what is important right now is your and your baby’s health. Stress can cause you a lot of trouble in your non-pregnant life and is ten times worse with your little one on board. Thanks to a certain someone’s jealousy and competitiveness I allowed myself to get so stressed out that at 8 months pregnant my blood pressure shot up and I was eventually put on bed rest for the last month of my pregnancy. I won’t get into the whole ordeal because frankly it and that person doesn’t matter anymore. At the time, however, I was devastated and spent the next two months in and out of fetal monitoring, labor and delivery, and my doctor’s office due to the stress. There is always going to be someone that just can’t be happy for someone else because some people just suck. Those people don’t deserve to be around your beautiful happy self. You are having a baby and if any one of your friends or family members isn’t happy for you then screw them. There will be plenty of people that are happy for you. People LOVE babies and you can’t find any of those people, shoot me an email. I would love to chat about your beautiful little one. 

 

-The Instant Friend-

Along with the hater(s) there will come the polar opposite over excited stranger. Maybe it’s a co-worker you never talk to or some random girl behind you in line for the bathroom at a Fleetwood Mac concert. Too specific? Well, it happened. I had a co-worker that asked me every day if I had morning sickness. It seems innocent enough but after the third or fourth day it gets odd. Are you concerned or hoping? Like I said before, people love babies and when they see a pregnant lady they tend to lose all self control or common sense. If memory serves me right, we learned at a very young age about personal space and how it’s inappropriate to just go around touching strangers. Once you start showing you will have complete strangers think it okay to touch your belly. It’s the strangest thing I had to deal with. When my baby boy started kicking I didn’t mind friends and family feeling. I felt Henry kicking for about two months before anyone else could actually feel him so it was like a wonderful gift I finally got to share. But stranger danger man…hands off my child, even if he is still in utero. 

When I was six months pregnant I went to Vegas to see Fleedwood Mac for my birthday. I was pregnant, not dead so chill with the judgment. At the end of the concert I was in line for the bathroom when a polite conversation was started by the girl behind me. Before I knew what was happening she was holding my stomach with both hands and with her eyes tightly closed she predicted I was having a boy. She then leaned in and said I know because girls make you fat and you’re not fat. As much as I appreciated the blatant lie, I felt like a cow, I was clearly a bit taken aback by what was going on. In what universe is that okay? The pregnancy universe. You either need to get used to this or feel comfortable to tell someone to back off as politely or as rudely as you see fit.  But then you may meet the next type…

-It’s hormonal-

"Is that the pregnancy talking?" 

"Oh you’re just cranky because your hormones." 

Oh, I even had the hater from earlier say at my gender reveal no less “She’s pregnant so she is allowed to be a bitch” 

Uuuuum, excuse me? It’s pretty much on par with your significant other asking you or telling you (so much worse) that you’re PMSing. Yes, hormones are a terrible, horrible, at times diasterous thing while pregnant. It’s something that is beyond your control and you’ll just have to get used to it. FYI: sometimes they get worse after the baby comes. But these people, these are people that I couldn’t stand. In the beginning I would fight back but towards the end I would just leave them wherever they were. I ignored, abandoned, and unfriended really anyone that caused me stress or discomfort. You might not want to go to these extremes but let the record show that my real friends are still very much my friends because they weren’t a bunch of assholes. As for the rest of them, I certainly do not miss a single one. But let's get back on track. Your hormones are so out of sync that you could be crying over a diapers commercial one minute and pissed off the next but that doesn’t mean that there aren’t things that you will legitimately get upset about. You are human, you are allowed to be upset about something without someone throwing your hormones in your face. 

Now if you’re tossing dishes at your spouse’s head because he got you the wrong type of ice cream you might want to step away for a few minutes. 

And trust me honey...there will be times that the mere thought of your spouse will piss you off. But that is a whole different post. 

This is me. All the crazy, messy, and fucking fabulous moments.

A little bit about me – 

I met my husband in February of 2013 at a Anaheim Ducks event at Wing Stop. By  July we were living together and by November we were engaged. One year later we were married November 8th 2014. We are the epitome of when you know, you just know. 

I got pregnant at age 27 exactly two days after I got married. Yup, a honeymoon baby. My son was planned although we had no idea it would happen so soon. I was told at age 18 that I had endometriosis, which I believe was a misdiagnosis, and that there was a possibility that I would have difficulties getting pregnant. Well that could not have been further from the truth. I went off my birth control two weeks before my wedding and my son Henry was conceived the very first day of the honeymoon. I have always been pretty healthy, slightly overweight but nothing my doctors were ever concerned about. Since we were planning on having a baby I went on prenatal vitamins about three months prior to my wedding, quit smoking, and cut back on my drinking. Everything seemed normal until I was 8 months pregnant, but I’ll go over that a little later on. 

Pregnancy is amazingly beautiful and awful all at once and no one ever tells you what to really expect. And although I am only a little over three months into motherhood I can honestly say I never knew a person could be this happy. I love my life but with all the ups that life brings a down will certainly be creeping around close by. And in my case, with every positive there usually is a pretty big fucking negative to smack me back to reality. The posts that will follow are my experiences that I believe need to be shared. We don't all have drugless labor that results in a perfectly healthy baby. Natural birth is not always an option and postpartum depression can happen to anyone. Being pregnant can be miserable and being a parent can be extremely difficult. It's up to you to figure out how to make it all worthwhile. 

This is the shit that no one tells you.