Drama kills

I

We all have this idea that drama ends in high school when in fact the drama often doesn’t actually start until after high school. You’re probably shaking your head while harsh memory flood your brain. Let me explain, yes we all have our fair share of drama while we were in school but does any of that matter now? It’s very rare that whatever was bothering us back then is actually affecting us in our adult lives. For the most part, true life altering drama doesn’t start until we are all supposed to be adulting. Yes, adulting. The reason we are legally allowed to buy alcohol.

When you were a teenager you and your BFF no doubt got into a huge fight over something ridiculously stupid. Am I right? Most likely you both vented to your other friends and talked a world of shit…sound familiar? How long did you two actually make it without talking? Eventually you realized that your love for one another was stronger than whatever you starting fighting over and probably forgot all about it by 5^th period. Here I am, 28 years old with family members that probably don’t even remember why they don’t like me. Actually forget probably, if they honestly believe what they are telling my other family members then I know they don’t remember why they don’t like me. Here is the thing – I got my feelings hurt, I’ve cried over it, I was offended, and then I lost all interest. Quick recap…

My sister-in-law doesn’t like me, I don’t know why but she doesn’t. I thought all was fine, there were few snide remarks here or there but I ruled it out as just her personality. Then I got engaged and she told people that “they (here and my brother) were together longer” wow, who cares? They got engaged about a month later and I was thrilled. They got married two months before me – that’s cool, I wasn’t upset. Until I saw her girls dressed in my colors even though I heard over and over for the last couple of months that it was a different color. Eh, okay whatever…annoying but I’m so happy my brother is getting married and is happy. Then Christmas rolls around and my husband and I announce we are expecting – instant ANGER. Hand to God! They were visibly upset, to the point that other family were asking each other if they were fighting. That hurt me. Fast forward a few months and many snide comments and a pregnancy announcement from them (which again I was happy…totally expecting it but happy) – my baby shower/gender reveal. I was basically ignored and my brother spent the entire day making it obvious he didn’t want to be there (go home! I’m cool) and making it all about her…even was trying to make plans for him and the rest of the boys (not including my husband) during her baby shower that wasn’t even planned yet. Here is the thing – I lost it. He was trying to talk over my sister while she was showing me her diaper cake and I told him to shut up. In front of everyone. I know I embarrassed him but what he doesn’t realize is that he was embarrassing himself. Ok, cool so that just happened. Emails were sent, she wrote to me pretending to be my brother telling me that I “never accepting his wife” blah blah blah…I really hate lies. I was thrilled every time they announced something, I liked her, and was happy to have a sister-in-law that I actually got along with. Boy was I way fucking wrong. I simply said that I will not allow myself to be treated so horribly and I didn’t want to be around all of their negativity. Instead of apologizing or trying to stop acting like such cunts I was ignored on Father’s day and then not invited to her baby shower. Okay – I get it. 

From my previous post you should know that I had a rough pregnancy towards the end and my baby spent some time in the NICU. And not a single word from her. My brother announced the birth of son on facebook before I had the chance to say anything…and then had people wondering why I wasn’t saying anything. There is acknowledgement of my son and that is when I lost all respect for my so-called family. I was nice, I was inclusive, I push past all the snide comments and still I got nothing but shit in my face. I extended an olive branch and suggested we talk, but only when they are ready to admit what the real problem is. And now they are telling my other family that she is mad about an email! Are you kidding me? End of recap.

I have two choices. I can let the drama surround me and drown me in negativity or I can stand up and say I’m too old for this. I’m 28 years old, I’m a mother, I’m a wife, and I’m a hard working work from home mom. I do not have the time or energy to deal with this kind of petty bullshit. Does the drama ever stop? No but you can be mature and make a healthy choice to not be involved. 

I know it’s difficult and sometimes you need to vent and get it out. Purge baby! Purge it, scream it, write it out, and then get over it. Forgive, ignore, walk away…whatever you need to do to make yourself healthy. Negativity is toxic. 

 

We all deserve to be happy and if someone is trying to tell you otherwise, whether with words or actions, tell them to fuck off. You will feel much better. Trust.

Is Cheating Abusive?

Is cheating abusive? Well, I believe that is kind of a gray area. I know my opinion may be a bit intense but hear me out - 

The problem is that everyone defines cheating differently, is simple talking to another person cheating? How about if you feel like you have the existence of said conversation? Is it cheating then? Is cheating strictly physical or can it be an emotional thing as well? It’s very important to set the guidelines of what is and isn’t considered cheating early on in a relationship because the idea of cheating is almost always completely different between the two involved. So let’s assume the foundation is set and a line was crossed – you or your significant other cheated. The question I have is do we consider cheating abusive? Obviously someone should never stay in an abusive relationship but we, as a society, don’t look at cheating as abusive. Gross, disgusting, some say unforgivable but in this day in age kind of accepted. 

Put yourself at a table with your girlfriends – your BFF looks you dead in the eyes and says “he cheated on me, but he said it would never happen again” what is your reaction? “That pig!” is hopefully one of them. We never want to see someone we care about hurt so of course we instantly start to talk shit, and rightfully so. But we also may ask – “Are you going to dump him?” “Do you believe him?” perhaps even comfort with the white lies no one ever actually believes “I’m sure it was just a onetime thing. He had to see what he was missing to see the amazing thing he has”. I do know people that were cheated on multiple times and still ended up marrying that person and as far as I know are perfectly happy. Now imagine your BFF looks you dead in the eyes and say “he hit me, but promised you would never do it again” WHOLE different story now, huh? 

One definition of emotional abuse is: "any act including confinement, isolation, verbal assault, humiliation, intimidation, infantilization, or any other treatment which may diminish the sense of identity, dignity, and self-worth” Diminished sense of identity, dignity, and self-worth? I personally think that is rather descriptive of how I felt when I was cheated on. So maybe the real question is do we, as a society, hold emotional abuse in the same severity as physical abuse? With websites like Ashleymadison.com I think the answer is painfully clear. Cheating isn’t considered abusive because we don’t look at abuse as anything other than physical. We don’t pay attention the emotional or psychological harm that is being endured all over the world, every second of every day. 

I have experienced all kinds of abuse, both first hand and second hand, and believe that both physical and emotional abuse can cause irreparable damage. Is cheating abusive? Maybe. Maybe not. But it sure can cause a lot of damage. Not just to a relationship but to the people involved. 

Think before you act.

Surviving the Dreaded Cold

It has been quite a while since my last post and I do apologize but I’ve been trying to survive my son’s first cold. That evil cold bug has been attacking with a vengeance this year and my son was unfortunate enough to not only get it but get it twice. Thanks to day care, switching day cares, and my husband and I passing it back and forth my poor little baby boy has been sick on and off for about a month now. Oh the rollercoaster of bullshit! 

Since the monster is finally getting better I thought I’d share a couple things that have helped us not lose out shit over the last couple of weeks. Here are your new lifesavers: 

Hyland’s Tiny Cold Syrup – I am a huge advocate for Hylands products. We used the teething tablets when the monster was getting his first couple of teeth so when it came time buy something for his cold I of course looked to Hylands. They don’t use harsh chemicals and aren’t as messing/sticky as some of the other syrups out there. 

NoseFrida – The ever popular snot sucky thing. If you haven’t seen these yet here is the gist of it – it’s a tube attached to a long skinny tube and you put one end near the nostril and the end in your mouth and suck. What a simple yet disgusting concept. Trust me, my sister told me about this when I was pregnant and I wanted to barf BUT it works and is so much better than the original bulb sucker. There is a small filter to block any snot/bacteria from getting to you. The tiny filters are a little pricey and considering what they are, it’s a tad insulting but when something works for your sick baby you’ll most likely not care too much. 

BoogieMist – This is a simple saline spray that you should use before the NoseFrida. Saline (sodium chloride) is a mineral found naturally occurring in the earth and body that excels at breaking up and thinning mucus. One spray in each nostril before tummy time or using the NoseFrida and all that mucus will be so much easier to get out. My monster isn’t too fond of it but it helps which eventually makes him happy so I use it. There are tons of saline sprays out there but I prefer the boogie products.

BoogieWipes – Again, tons of other wipes out there but I personally always go to the boogie products. These are delicate saline wipes that are amazing on your LO’s sore nose. I think baby wipes are just too tough and the Johnson and Johnson face wipes have fragrance which just irritates my monster’s already red nose. 

Vick’s Baby Rub – Let’s face it, there is nothing worse than not being able to breathe and imagine not understanding why you all of a sudden can’t breathe through your nose. The NoseFrida can only do so much – think about when you have a cold…you can blow and blow and blow your stupid stuffed up nose and it is immediately stuffed again. I LOVE Vick’s Baby Rub! OMG. First of all, it doesn’t have any harsh chemicals so it’s gentle for your precious LO and it smells AMAZING. When the monster was really bad I put some on his feet, armpits and chest. I know, armpits? I don’t know that it actually does anything but a friends suggested it and her mother is a retired nurse so I went with it. Once he started to get better I decreased it to just his chest. He seems to really enjoy the smell and of course loves the little chest rub, which I did at night and in the morning before school. I would suggest to skip the feet unless your baby is wearing footie pajamas because you don’t want them to get it in their mouths. 

Eucalyptus oil – If you don’t already have a humidifier in your LO’s room, go get one. I have a cool mist humidifier going at night, every night, since he was a month old. But when my monster got sick I put 4 or 5 drops of eucalyptus oil in his humidifier to help purify the room a little. Eucalyptus is a natural decongestant and is often used at spas and steam rooms. The baby rub even has some eucalyptus in it. I think it smells amazing but it can be too much for some people so start off with 2 or 3 drops, depending on how big your humidifier is, and go from there. Trust me on this one, it will work wonders. They also sell those oil diffusers which could work too but I prefer the humidifier and it’s easier for me to just add some oil to the one we already use than to go out and buy an additional product. Also, if you’d like you can add some lavender to it when your LO is better to help them sleep. Some people mix oils but I would just stick to one at a time. 

Sleep – Obviously it may be a bit difficult for your LO to sleep when they are sick. They have no idea what is going on or understand that it will eventually pass. So if it comes down to it, I let my little monster sleep in bed with us or on my chest on the couch. I only had to take one day off of work because he was sick and he slept the majority of the day on my chest. Sleep is really the most important thing when you are sick (in my opinion) so if your feeding schedule gets a little messed up so be it. If your LO is sleeping, I suggest to just let them sleep and let the cold take its course. 

 

This are the things that helped me and baby boy survive his first cold. Please keep an eye on your precious LO and if the cold continues for more than a week call their doctor. If your baby seems to have trouble breathing/shortness of breath call your doctor immediately. There have been times that I called the nurse multiple times over a few days. It’s okay to ask for help or admit you don’t know what to do and honestly, when it comes to the most amazing, precious thing in your life, it’s always better to be safe than sorry. 

 

Good luck!