Is Cheating Abusive?

Is cheating abusive? Well, I believe that is kind of a gray area. I know my opinion may be a bit intense but hear me out - 

The problem is that everyone defines cheating differently, is simple talking to another person cheating? How about if you feel like you have the existence of said conversation? Is it cheating then? Is cheating strictly physical or can it be an emotional thing as well? It’s very important to set the guidelines of what is and isn’t considered cheating early on in a relationship because the idea of cheating is almost always completely different between the two involved. So let’s assume the foundation is set and a line was crossed – you or your significant other cheated. The question I have is do we consider cheating abusive? Obviously someone should never stay in an abusive relationship but we, as a society, don’t look at cheating as abusive. Gross, disgusting, some say unforgivable but in this day in age kind of accepted. 

Put yourself at a table with your girlfriends – your BFF looks you dead in the eyes and says “he cheated on me, but he said it would never happen again” what is your reaction? “That pig!” is hopefully one of them. We never want to see someone we care about hurt so of course we instantly start to talk shit, and rightfully so. But we also may ask – “Are you going to dump him?” “Do you believe him?” perhaps even comfort with the white lies no one ever actually believes “I’m sure it was just a onetime thing. He had to see what he was missing to see the amazing thing he has”. I do know people that were cheated on multiple times and still ended up marrying that person and as far as I know are perfectly happy. Now imagine your BFF looks you dead in the eyes and say “he hit me, but promised you would never do it again” WHOLE different story now, huh? 

One definition of emotional abuse is: "any act including confinement, isolation, verbal assault, humiliation, intimidation, infantilization, or any other treatment which may diminish the sense of identity, dignity, and self-worth” Diminished sense of identity, dignity, and self-worth? I personally think that is rather descriptive of how I felt when I was cheated on. So maybe the real question is do we, as a society, hold emotional abuse in the same severity as physical abuse? With websites like Ashleymadison.com I think the answer is painfully clear. Cheating isn’t considered abusive because we don’t look at abuse as anything other than physical. We don’t pay attention the emotional or psychological harm that is being endured all over the world, every second of every day. 

I have experienced all kinds of abuse, both first hand and second hand, and believe that both physical and emotional abuse can cause irreparable damage. Is cheating abusive? Maybe. Maybe not. But it sure can cause a lot of damage. Not just to a relationship but to the people involved. 

Think before you act.