We all know how judgmental women can be, there is no denying it. Worst of all, we judge each other as if our words and opinions were the end all be all. You, as a woman, wake up and are instantly judged – you criticize yourself and pick apart your body, hair, wardrobe, or whatever you’re insecure about. And then you leave your house, possibly feeling awful or maybe you’re feeling it today. You think you look so good, you feel confident, and you’re rocking hard. Go you! Leave the house and BAM! The judgmental bitchiness that is life begins. Women will judge other women by any and every aspect of their being. Hair, nails, make up, clothes, shoes, car, house, personality, pet, boyfriend, girlfriend, friends, job, etc. etc. – the list goes ON AND ON. As a child that was bullied throughout school, I’ve experience almost every kind of judgment(mostly because I didn’t give a shit and wore what I wanted, talked to who I wanted, and didn’t care who had money and who didn’t – side note: I grew up in a “well off” neighborhood and I treated the “poor kid” the same as the “rich kids” because let’s face it…it was all our parent’s money…a bunch a paper that doesn’t even belong to us) We all get bullied in one way or another - we all have at least one person that talks shit to our faces or behind our backs. It will always be a constant - never changing, always revolving pool of toxic people.
However, now as an adult I’m experience what I personally think is the worst kind – Mommy shaming.
My son is almost 9 months old and I’ve already had to deal with a world of mommy shaming. As women, we get pressure from all sides all the time. First it’s: When you are you getting married??? You’re not getting any younger, you’ve got to settle down, oh I don’t think he is the right type of guy for you! Oh wow congratulations on the engagement! When is the wedding?? Don’t wait too long, oh you shouldn’t choose those colors, I wouldn’t have chosen that dress. What a beautiful wedding! When are you going to have a baby? You’re not getting any younger, you don’t want to be too old. Yay, congrats on the baby! Oh God, you aren’t going to eat that? You should only eat/drink/wear this. You shouldn’t exercise – only do this exercise. You shouldn’t drink at all! Oh what a beautiful baby! He/She is SO adorable. When are you having another one??
And of course once you have a baby people feel the need to share their opinions on everything. In a previous post we learned about the guilt trippers and I thought those people were just awful. But, wow, I didn’t know what awful was until I met the shamers. Mommy shamers try to push their advice on you, like guilt trippers do, but their real desire is to tear you down. Mommy shamers attempt to discredit each decision you make and want you to know just how wrong your choices are. Not because you’re making bad decisions…but because you are making different decisions. Mommy shamers don’t stick together – because no two people believe the exact same things. Sorry, but if your bestie is a mommy shamer sooner or later you will be smack dab in the middle of her hate. Or perhaps you already are –
-----To the shamers, everyone is always wrong and they are always right. Why aren’t you breastfeeding?? I can’t believe you’re breastfeeding or STILL breastfeeding. How could you circumcise your baby? You didn’t get him circumcised?? Oh, you use THOSE diapers? You feed him non-organic food? You don’t MAKE his food? JUICE??? I would NEVER let my child act like that! Isn’t he too small/young/big/old for that?----
Usually a “that’s gross” “just saying” “WOW” and the ever popular eye roll will accompany criticisms like these above.
It’s important for all women, whether you are a judger, a guilt tripper, or even mommy shamer (admit it…we all fit into one of these categories – even if it’s just a little), that we are all in a really difficult position and doing our absolute best. It’s not easy to grow another human being and then be responsible for another life. It’s not easy to raise a child alone or even with help – we all worry that we are doing something wrong, that we will completely fuck up and raise an absolute asshole. Of course we all worry about more serious things but I try to stay away from those thoughts…or at least dwelling on them. Let’s face it, being a mother is the hardest thing we are ever going to do. Why do we have to make it harder on ourselves by tearing each other down. Imagine how strong we would be if we could all stick together and praise one another. Imagine the children we would raise if they could see people being nice to each other instead of constantly hating.
Being a mother is the hardest thing we are ever going to do…but it’s also the most rewarding thing – now imagine being able to share that with each other.
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