Drama kills

I

We all have this idea that drama ends in high school when in fact the drama often doesn’t actually start until after high school. You’re probably shaking your head while harsh memory flood your brain. Let me explain, yes we all have our fair share of drama while we were in school but does any of that matter now? It’s very rare that whatever was bothering us back then is actually affecting us in our adult lives. For the most part, true life altering drama doesn’t start until we are all supposed to be adulting. Yes, adulting. The reason we are legally allowed to buy alcohol.

When you were a teenager you and your BFF no doubt got into a huge fight over something ridiculously stupid. Am I right? Most likely you both vented to your other friends and talked a world of shit…sound familiar? How long did you two actually make it without talking? Eventually you realized that your love for one another was stronger than whatever you starting fighting over and probably forgot all about it by 5^th period. Here I am, 28 years old with family members that probably don’t even remember why they don’t like me. Actually forget probably, if they honestly believe what they are telling my other family members then I know they don’t remember why they don’t like me. Here is the thing – I got my feelings hurt, I’ve cried over it, I was offended, and then I lost all interest. Quick recap…

My sister-in-law doesn’t like me, I don’t know why but she doesn’t. I thought all was fine, there were few snide remarks here or there but I ruled it out as just her personality. Then I got engaged and she told people that “they (here and my brother) were together longer” wow, who cares? They got engaged about a month later and I was thrilled. They got married two months before me – that’s cool, I wasn’t upset. Until I saw her girls dressed in my colors even though I heard over and over for the last couple of months that it was a different color. Eh, okay whatever…annoying but I’m so happy my brother is getting married and is happy. Then Christmas rolls around and my husband and I announce we are expecting – instant ANGER. Hand to God! They were visibly upset, to the point that other family were asking each other if they were fighting. That hurt me. Fast forward a few months and many snide comments and a pregnancy announcement from them (which again I was happy…totally expecting it but happy) – my baby shower/gender reveal. I was basically ignored and my brother spent the entire day making it obvious he didn’t want to be there (go home! I’m cool) and making it all about her…even was trying to make plans for him and the rest of the boys (not including my husband) during her baby shower that wasn’t even planned yet. Here is the thing – I lost it. He was trying to talk over my sister while she was showing me her diaper cake and I told him to shut up. In front of everyone. I know I embarrassed him but what he doesn’t realize is that he was embarrassing himself. Ok, cool so that just happened. Emails were sent, she wrote to me pretending to be my brother telling me that I “never accepting his wife” blah blah blah…I really hate lies. I was thrilled every time they announced something, I liked her, and was happy to have a sister-in-law that I actually got along with. Boy was I way fucking wrong. I simply said that I will not allow myself to be treated so horribly and I didn’t want to be around all of their negativity. Instead of apologizing or trying to stop acting like such cunts I was ignored on Father’s day and then not invited to her baby shower. Okay – I get it. 

From my previous post you should know that I had a rough pregnancy towards the end and my baby spent some time in the NICU. And not a single word from her. My brother announced the birth of son on facebook before I had the chance to say anything…and then had people wondering why I wasn’t saying anything. There is acknowledgement of my son and that is when I lost all respect for my so-called family. I was nice, I was inclusive, I push past all the snide comments and still I got nothing but shit in my face. I extended an olive branch and suggested we talk, but only when they are ready to admit what the real problem is. And now they are telling my other family that she is mad about an email! Are you kidding me? End of recap.

I have two choices. I can let the drama surround me and drown me in negativity or I can stand up and say I’m too old for this. I’m 28 years old, I’m a mother, I’m a wife, and I’m a hard working work from home mom. I do not have the time or energy to deal with this kind of petty bullshit. Does the drama ever stop? No but you can be mature and make a healthy choice to not be involved. 

I know it’s difficult and sometimes you need to vent and get it out. Purge baby! Purge it, scream it, write it out, and then get over it. Forgive, ignore, walk away…whatever you need to do to make yourself healthy. Negativity is toxic. 

 

We all deserve to be happy and if someone is trying to tell you otherwise, whether with words or actions, tell them to fuck off. You will feel much better. Trust.

Is Cheating Abusive?

Is cheating abusive? Well, I believe that is kind of a gray area. I know my opinion may be a bit intense but hear me out - 

The problem is that everyone defines cheating differently, is simple talking to another person cheating? How about if you feel like you have the existence of said conversation? Is it cheating then? Is cheating strictly physical or can it be an emotional thing as well? It’s very important to set the guidelines of what is and isn’t considered cheating early on in a relationship because the idea of cheating is almost always completely different between the two involved. So let’s assume the foundation is set and a line was crossed – you or your significant other cheated. The question I have is do we consider cheating abusive? Obviously someone should never stay in an abusive relationship but we, as a society, don’t look at cheating as abusive. Gross, disgusting, some say unforgivable but in this day in age kind of accepted. 

Put yourself at a table with your girlfriends – your BFF looks you dead in the eyes and says “he cheated on me, but he said it would never happen again” what is your reaction? “That pig!” is hopefully one of them. We never want to see someone we care about hurt so of course we instantly start to talk shit, and rightfully so. But we also may ask – “Are you going to dump him?” “Do you believe him?” perhaps even comfort with the white lies no one ever actually believes “I’m sure it was just a onetime thing. He had to see what he was missing to see the amazing thing he has”. I do know people that were cheated on multiple times and still ended up marrying that person and as far as I know are perfectly happy. Now imagine your BFF looks you dead in the eyes and say “he hit me, but promised you would never do it again” WHOLE different story now, huh? 

One definition of emotional abuse is: "any act including confinement, isolation, verbal assault, humiliation, intimidation, infantilization, or any other treatment which may diminish the sense of identity, dignity, and self-worth” Diminished sense of identity, dignity, and self-worth? I personally think that is rather descriptive of how I felt when I was cheated on. So maybe the real question is do we, as a society, hold emotional abuse in the same severity as physical abuse? With websites like Ashleymadison.com I think the answer is painfully clear. Cheating isn’t considered abusive because we don’t look at abuse as anything other than physical. We don’t pay attention the emotional or psychological harm that is being endured all over the world, every second of every day. 

I have experienced all kinds of abuse, both first hand and second hand, and believe that both physical and emotional abuse can cause irreparable damage. Is cheating abusive? Maybe. Maybe not. But it sure can cause a lot of damage. Not just to a relationship but to the people involved. 

Think before you act.

Surviving the Dreaded Cold

It has been quite a while since my last post and I do apologize but I’ve been trying to survive my son’s first cold. That evil cold bug has been attacking with a vengeance this year and my son was unfortunate enough to not only get it but get it twice. Thanks to day care, switching day cares, and my husband and I passing it back and forth my poor little baby boy has been sick on and off for about a month now. Oh the rollercoaster of bullshit! 

Since the monster is finally getting better I thought I’d share a couple things that have helped us not lose out shit over the last couple of weeks. Here are your new lifesavers: 

Hyland’s Tiny Cold Syrup – I am a huge advocate for Hylands products. We used the teething tablets when the monster was getting his first couple of teeth so when it came time buy something for his cold I of course looked to Hylands. They don’t use harsh chemicals and aren’t as messing/sticky as some of the other syrups out there. 

NoseFrida – The ever popular snot sucky thing. If you haven’t seen these yet here is the gist of it – it’s a tube attached to a long skinny tube and you put one end near the nostril and the end in your mouth and suck. What a simple yet disgusting concept. Trust me, my sister told me about this when I was pregnant and I wanted to barf BUT it works and is so much better than the original bulb sucker. There is a small filter to block any snot/bacteria from getting to you. The tiny filters are a little pricey and considering what they are, it’s a tad insulting but when something works for your sick baby you’ll most likely not care too much. 

BoogieMist – This is a simple saline spray that you should use before the NoseFrida. Saline (sodium chloride) is a mineral found naturally occurring in the earth and body that excels at breaking up and thinning mucus. One spray in each nostril before tummy time or using the NoseFrida and all that mucus will be so much easier to get out. My monster isn’t too fond of it but it helps which eventually makes him happy so I use it. There are tons of saline sprays out there but I prefer the boogie products.

BoogieWipes – Again, tons of other wipes out there but I personally always go to the boogie products. These are delicate saline wipes that are amazing on your LO’s sore nose. I think baby wipes are just too tough and the Johnson and Johnson face wipes have fragrance which just irritates my monster’s already red nose. 

Vick’s Baby Rub – Let’s face it, there is nothing worse than not being able to breathe and imagine not understanding why you all of a sudden can’t breathe through your nose. The NoseFrida can only do so much – think about when you have a cold…you can blow and blow and blow your stupid stuffed up nose and it is immediately stuffed again. I LOVE Vick’s Baby Rub! OMG. First of all, it doesn’t have any harsh chemicals so it’s gentle for your precious LO and it smells AMAZING. When the monster was really bad I put some on his feet, armpits and chest. I know, armpits? I don’t know that it actually does anything but a friends suggested it and her mother is a retired nurse so I went with it. Once he started to get better I decreased it to just his chest. He seems to really enjoy the smell and of course loves the little chest rub, which I did at night and in the morning before school. I would suggest to skip the feet unless your baby is wearing footie pajamas because you don’t want them to get it in their mouths. 

Eucalyptus oil – If you don’t already have a humidifier in your LO’s room, go get one. I have a cool mist humidifier going at night, every night, since he was a month old. But when my monster got sick I put 4 or 5 drops of eucalyptus oil in his humidifier to help purify the room a little. Eucalyptus is a natural decongestant and is often used at spas and steam rooms. The baby rub even has some eucalyptus in it. I think it smells amazing but it can be too much for some people so start off with 2 or 3 drops, depending on how big your humidifier is, and go from there. Trust me on this one, it will work wonders. They also sell those oil diffusers which could work too but I prefer the humidifier and it’s easier for me to just add some oil to the one we already use than to go out and buy an additional product. Also, if you’d like you can add some lavender to it when your LO is better to help them sleep. Some people mix oils but I would just stick to one at a time. 

Sleep – Obviously it may be a bit difficult for your LO to sleep when they are sick. They have no idea what is going on or understand that it will eventually pass. So if it comes down to it, I let my little monster sleep in bed with us or on my chest on the couch. I only had to take one day off of work because he was sick and he slept the majority of the day on my chest. Sleep is really the most important thing when you are sick (in my opinion) so if your feeding schedule gets a little messed up so be it. If your LO is sleeping, I suggest to just let them sleep and let the cold take its course. 

 

This are the things that helped me and baby boy survive his first cold. Please keep an eye on your precious LO and if the cold continues for more than a week call their doctor. If your baby seems to have trouble breathing/shortness of breath call your doctor immediately. There have been times that I called the nurse multiple times over a few days. It’s okay to ask for help or admit you don’t know what to do and honestly, when it comes to the most amazing, precious thing in your life, it’s always better to be safe than sorry. 

 

Good luck!

Don't Hate, Integrate! An Open Letter to Jada Pinkett-Smith.

Dear Mrs. Pinkett-Smith and supporters, 

 

         I just finished watching your childish video despite my severe lack of care for this issue. After days of it being beat into my head by every news network on the planet, I figured it was my duty to finally watch yet another celebrity living in their multi-million dollar homes bitch about life not being fair. And here is what I thought.

 

        First of all, if the Oscars are “too white” please explain to me why the most recognized movie this year is one that was direct by Alejandro González Iñárritu, a Mexican director. Why don’t you say what you REALLY want to – you think the Oscars or “not black enough” and your ridiculous boycott is due to the fact that your husband was not nominated. Not nominated for a movie that I cannot personally find one person who actually has heard of it, let alone watched it. Look, I love Will Smith but this isn’t his year. Sorry. Please don’t scream racism because you didn’t get your way. And please don’t go around throwing white people under the bus because you think something is…dark enough. 

 

       I have absolutely had it with all this PC crap. Since when did we become a country of whiners? Oh, Mrs. Pinkett-Smith your life must be so hard. You are in one of the hottest TV shows, although I personally lost interest in it midway through the first season. I did like your role in Magic Mike 2 however. I thought it was pretty cool to show the role reversal of a powerful women in charge of lots of hot men. So many hot men…oh, okay I’m getting off topic. You have been very successful in your career, as well as your husband and children. I’m sure you all have seen your fair share of rejection, that is after the all the industry. I remember seeing a story where a Meryl Streep was called “too ugly” for a role. You chose to be in this industry so you have to face the rejections – and I for one commend you because I would never be able to handle that kind of rejection. However, aside from someone actually telling you that you don’t get the role because you are black, you cannot go around calling people racist just because you think so. I’m not naïve, I know racist people exist and just a FYI they aren’t all white. And I believe there is a potential for this or other award shows to perhaps show a biased but “too white” is beyond the wrong description. 

 

      And lastly, in your video you say something along the lines of “to beg for acknowledgement is to diminish respect and power” to paraphrase. But Mrs. Pinkett-Smith, isn’t that exactly what you are doing? You are just begging for attention and acknowledgement while you sit in your comfortable, gigantic house that I would most likely get lost in. You demand respect and call for a boycott, however, it is you that chooses to continue with the segregation. You demand to be acknowledge because you are black. Isn’t that right? You want to be treated equal but then demand special recognition because you are black. Call me a racist if you want but there are white actors that were not nominated or have never been nominated and you don’t see their youtube videos whining about it. Perhaps it’s not because they are white but because they are adults. They put on their big girl and boy panties and went back to work just like every other adult in this country, world. As I sit here typing this I have a little over a hundred dollars in my bank account. I own a small condo in a crappy neighborhood and have a husband and infant to take care. I work anywhere from 40-70 hours a week, including early mornings and late nights in addition to caring for my son (I’m a work from home mom) during the days. I have help from my husband when he gets home from work but I am exhausted 24/7. I haven’t gotten a raise in over three years and we barely make enough to pay our bills. So please spare me the “white privilege” bullshit. I work my ass off and I don’t complain. I enjoy the time I have with my family and we make the most of what we have. I don’t cry sexism when I don’t get my way or try to blame it on anything or one. I pull myself up and work even harder despite NEVER getting acknowledgement at work. 

 

***My family is truly a mixing pot – my family consists of Mexicans, Peruvians, Whites, Blacks, Gays, Straights, short people, tall people, fat people (and I’m proud of it!) skinny people, incredibly smart and sometimes incredibly dumb people. I’ve dated Middle Eastern guys, Mexican guys, as well as white guys. My point is that every single one of these people, including my exes (maybe like 85% of my exes), is dear to my heart and if someone treated any of them differently because of race, sexual orientation, or size I would be pissed. I would stand up for each and every one of them until the day I die but they don’t go around calling something it’s not just because they didn’t get their way. 

 

Grow up. If you want to fight for equality, stop asking to be acknowledge because you are “different”. 

 

Sincerely, 

The Inappropriate Momma ;-*

Females, We're We Raised to Hate? Part Two

      Women are pitted against each other since early childhood. Don't believe me? All we have to do is take a closer look at the movies we watched growing up. My husband and I were making a list of the movies we wanted to get on dvd to start the collection for our son when all of a sudden it hit me. From an early age little girls are all about the Disney movies, the princess movies. There are tons of people out there that day Disney gives girls an unrealistic view on love and men but nobody points out how the other important relationships are portrayed. 

Let's take a look at some of the classics...Cinderella is hated by her step-mother and step-sisters. Snow White is almost killed by orders of the evil queen.  Aurora is cursed by an evil fairy. Why? Where is all this hate coming from? Typically it's because the "princess" is more beautiful, so wouldn't it be safe to assume that we are teaching young girls to hate each other. Sure the princess always wins in the end, but the moral of the story may be lost or even skewed as only the pretty shall succeed and thus we hate even more. 

Why do we not put boys against each other like that? Bambi, Fox and the Hound, The Goonies, Stand by Me - all a bunch of boys that may rough house or talk shit but love each other and protect each other. Loyalty is instilled in boys from a very young age while girls are taught hatred, jealousy, and only the pretty win in the end. 

Perhaps that's why men have less drama and women thrive on it. Or why men typically talk or punch out their problems and women just choose ignore the person that wronged them. 

Females, Were We Raised to Hate? Part One

       As the new year ever so slowly yet incredibly quickly all at the same time approaches so does the time of reflection. As the days and nights creep by that 2016 in the distance gets increasingly closer and people tend to look back on their year. We all make fun of those stupid resolutions that no one actually keeps, and yet, don’t we all continue to make them? 

       My year started off well enough. I was a newlywed that just found out I was pregnant. I had a few mishaps and bumps in the road, if you will. Some negatives that are still lodged in my brain as if I was cramming for a midterm. In general I think I had a pretty good year though. The birth of my son, although a little nerve wracking for a bit, was quite possibly the best thing that has ever happened to me. My marriage, of course, is a close second. The negative things and people that have surrounded me during my stay in the year 2015 have affected me – I’m not going to lie. While reflecting back on the year and looking forward to the things to come I’ve come to one very important conclusion. Girls suck. Well, okay I already knew that…and please ladies, don’t get your panties in a wad. Admit it. We, as females, suck. We are against each other from day one (keep an eye out for my next post) and we will stop at nothing to make sure that all the other females know exactly what they are missing. 

        Please, don’t deny it because we have all done it. Now only the incredibly bitchy will come right out and say “I’m better than you” most of us stick the subtler approach. Mothers – “Oh, you didn’t a flu shot!” Pregnant ladies – “I can’t believe you would eat/drink/wear/do THAT while you’re pregnant” Single ladies – “I would never date someone like that” Ugh, I could go on and on. We are each SO much better than each other. You can see my Guilt Trippers post for more examples if you need them. 

        This year alone I had multiple “women” try to tear me down. First I had the family member that felt my pregnancy was somehow ruining hers so she felt the need to either ignore mine or ruin mine, I guess it all depended on how she felt that day. Then stranger who’s marriage was falling apart so she felt the need to go after mine. There was the good friend that decided to turn a miniscule problem between significant others into our problem which ultimately led to a diminished friendship. To be fair…I didn’t really like her boyfriend so I guess that couldn’t really go far. And of course, there were multiple issues that are barely a blip on my radar but led to the heart stopping unfriending on Facebook – that went both ways though. I’m the first to admit that I have never really gotten along with girls. I never knew what it was but I just always got along better with men because they were less drama. When in fact, that is not actually true. Any “guys girl” can tell you that there is a shit load of drama with men…they just handle it better. And by handle it I mean 99.99% of the time they keep it bottle up and until someone punches the other one and all is well with the world…maybe not the punching. 

         As I sat here mentally filing away all of the girl drama from the past year and then slowly remembering all the garbage throughout the year, I couldn’t help but come to the conclusion that I must be the problem. Until I thought about all the friendships I’ve had with men over the year (important to note that I said friendships and NOT relationships because that is a WHOLE other level of drama) and decided that we as a female species are in fact the problem. Sure, there may be a few girls that can get along just fine but if you really think about it you can remember talking shit even about your bestest friend in the whole wide world. We are not meant to like each other. I will even go as far to say that we are raised to hate each other. 

 

                  To be continued…

The Ugly Truth Rant

Here it is, days away from Christmas, my son's first Christmas to be exact, and instead of joy and excitement I just want to crawl under a rock. My house is a disaster, not a single Christmas decoration, the Christmas presents (most of which I was forced to buy) are shoved in the corner of my already packed office/nusery. Work is miserable, it's getting harder and harder to get anything done during the day. And not that I'm a puppy dog that needs constant positive reinforcement but so positive feedback would be nice for a change. Maybe balance out all the "constructive criticism" just once. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate being able to spend the day with my son and not have to leave him in the care of some own known person. But sometimes I just want a minute to myself. 

Is it at all possible to have "me" time once you become a mother? I'm feeding, I'm cleaning, I'm playing, I'm working, I'm interacting, I'm wondering what the hell happened to me. When I do try to take a minute someone needs to tell me something. My husband constantly asks me if I'm okay, but it's more of the you're not okay so tell me what's wrong. Well dear - I want to go a day without crying or being on the verge of tears. I want to be able to work without feeling guilty. I would love to be able to sit down with a cup of coffee and just be. I would like the checklist of chores to be marked off by someone else for a change. It would be totally awesome if I could just work without mentally figuring out if I'm making enough money that day. I would like to ask for something to get done once and for it to actually get done. I would like for things to get done without asking. I would like to just skip Christmas and not have to worry about all the pending drama. I would like to just be for a few minutes. God help me. 

Something crazy happened when I became a mother. I love my son, I live my husband, and I love my life but sometimes it's all just too much. I feel like shit every minute of everyday. I feel guilty about everything. Guilty for not be able to focus more on my son during the day. Guilty about not being able to be there for my husband like I used to be. Not being able to have our alone time to stay a happy, healthy couple. Guilty for even thinking about looking for a job outside of the home. Guilty for wanting some time to myself. I feel like a bad wife, a terrible mother, and clearly I'm an awful person in general for all the drama that surrounds me even though I try so desperately to keep a positive environment for my son. 

This is fucking ridiculous. I need some mom friends. 

Ugh. Sorry about the rant guys. The holidays are a tough time for me.